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Chapter 1
The beginning
He had lied to me again. Why had I allowed this to happen? Yes, allowed. I let him deceive me because I wanted to believe every word he said. In the back of my mind I knew not to trust him. But I always did anyway.
I could not remember a time before I knew him but in truth his family had not moved in next door until the summer before my eight grade year. That year was burned into my memory. His name was marc and his family had moved from New York to enjoy the quiet of the countryside. His father had been some big-wig for a tobacco company that 'retired' after the industry scandal with a nice pension and corporate umbrella. His mother was a real estate agent who set up shop in town.
Summer was almost over and it was just 3 days before my birthday. Somehow it seemed that August 21st would never come. My mother had been planning the party for weeks and her entire soon to be 8th grade class had received invitations. This coupled with the family that would be attending made for a large guest list. Almost everyone had RSVP'd except for the students that were away with their families on vacation. Susan marsh was on a cruise through the Mediterranean, Jarrod smith had gone to Europe for the summer to visit relatives, Missy Hughes was staying with her aunt in New Mexico and Amy Brady had gone to Naira Falls. The rest of my classmates would be there.
I was busy helping mom with the hand made decorations. We had been sitting at the kitchen table all afternoon though it was beautiful outside. As I made the last of the paper flowers and began to clean up the mess my older brother came in through the front door. ‘What’s up nerd!’ he shouted at me. ‘You’re a jerk’ I retorted. John was 3 years older and we, like most siblings, fought. He had just recently gotten his drivers license and thought he was too cool. It infuriated me how he would belittle me in front of people just because I was younger. I went to walk past him into my room and he stuck his foot out catching me at my ankle. Down I went in a fluff of paper flowers ‘I hate you’ I screamed. It was at this point I noticed standing behind him, the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen. He was different than the boys here. His hair was dark brown and wavy and hung just below his ears. His lips were full and cheekbones high. But his eyes were what grabbed me. They were the greenest eyes I’d ever seen.
My face flushed and I scrambled to pick up the paper flowers which were strewn about. He bent down to help me and a lock of his thick brown hair fell across his left eye. I nearly fainted. As he assisted me in retrieving what now seemed like idiotic paper flowers he said ‘I’m Marc’. ‘Hi I’m Meighan’.
‘Come on Marc’ said John ‘let’s go’. Marc turned to me as he left ‘see you around’.
And that was how I first fell in love.
Because they were new to the neighborhood my parents sent an invitation to my party. It was last minutes invite so no time for them to RSVP. I tried pumping John for info about Marc but I tried not to be too obvious. The most I could get before being given a noogie was that he was 16 and would start 10th grade this coming year with my brother. God he was in high school! I didn’t stand a chance.
All that day I could think of nothing else but Marc. I thought of him as I ate breakfast, what little I could manage. Who needed food when you’re in love? I must have tried on seven different outfits. None of them were right. ‘MOM’ I yelled.
‘What darling?’ she queried.
‘I don’t have anything to wear’ I wined.
‘Of course you do sweetheart’ she said ‘how about this?’ she held up a pink shirt with little girl frill on it.
‘NO! I’ll look like a little girl!’ I was near tears now.
‘Meighan what’s gotten into you’ she asked tenderly.
I wiped the tears away and explained that I didn’t want to look like a little girl anymore. My mother seemed to understand this and sat me down on the bed. ‘I know thirteen is a tough age’ she said ‘but it won’t always be so hard’. Why do grown ups always say that? Just when I had resigned myself to another coming of age talk she said suddenly ‘I shouldn’t do this but’ she left the room and came back with an unwrapped box ‘here is one of your birthday presents’ I took the box and laid it on the bed gingerly. It was from the local department store. As I pulled back the lid I noticed and pair of blue jeans with designs on the pockets and with them a cute purple tank top with some sequins around the bottom’
“OH MOM!’ I jumped up and hugged her ‘you’re the best’
As I put on the jeans and tank top I began to feel excited for tonight. I wanted Marc to see me. The jeans fit nicely and the tank top looked ok. Although I would have liked to have something more to fill it out. After I completed my outfit with a pair of tennis shoes my mom entered.
“Honey, you look so pretty’ she said
She had in here hands a lip gloss. ‘Sit down here’ she motioned to my vanity. I obeyed. ‘You never want to put on too much gloss’ she explained ‘just enough to give a hint of color’ she turned to the mirror and my eyes followed her gaze. I did look really pretty. My mom looked so proud. ‘I love you mom’ I hugged her.
I watched for him all night; through the crowd I was searching for his face. By the time they brought the cake out I was sure he wouldn't be coming at all. "Time to blow out the candles" said my mom. And with a heavy heart I sat down at the head of the table. I couldn't think of anything else but Marc. "Happy birthday to you" the chorus started. I couldn't remember ever having felt so sad. 'Happy birthday dear Meighan ' they continued. It was just then the door opened but I couldn't see who had come through. Then as the crowd sang the final chorus ’happy birthday to you!' through a tiny window of bodies, I saw him and my eyes lit up. His hair was slicked back and he was wearing a green t-shirt which made his eyes stand out. I looked at him and made eye contact. When our eyes met I felt a tightening in my chest and my knees felt weak. I was sure he felt something too, that there was a moment of recognition in his eyes. I blew out the candle and wished 'I would always feel like this'.
As the cake was cut and passed around I could hear his mother, Mary, making apologies for being late. Marc just stood by her looking uncomfortable and pushing the carpet with his right foot. He seemed nervous. I decided to go over and say hello. As I approached Mary spoke 'Hello Meighan, happy birthday!'
She nudged Marc, 'Happy birthday' he responded to her nudge.
'We are about to open the presents', I said, 'would you like to come sit down?'
'Marc, you go ahead and sit'.
We walked back into the living room where presents were stacked to the ceiling it seemed. 'Would you like something to drink?'
‘No thanks’ he said.
Just then my mom came in ‘Let’s get started’. She handed me the first box which was my big present for the year. I felt a sense of dread as I looked at the box. My cheeks burned as I realized what it must be. All year I had asked for an easy bake oven. The look on my mom’s face told me she had been listening. As I peeled back the wrapping paper I watched Marc’s face out of the corner of my eye. Why had I wanted him to come? He’ll think I’m a kid for sure now. Sure enough there was the easy bake oven. I wanted to cry. The rest of the opening of the presents went much the same; a humiliating confirmation that I was still very much, a little girl.
After the last present was opened we all broke off into separate groups. Lisa, my best friend, came to sit by me and Marc. ‘Hi, I’m Lisa’.
‘Hi Lisa, I’m Marc’.
‘You’re from New York right?’ she asked
‘Yeah, how’d you know?’ Marc responded
‘This is a small town and word travels fast’ she said
‘Oh, right’ he seemed bored.
We walked outside as Lisa continued to chatter. I could see Marc looking at me as we walked but I couldn’t read his expression. ‘Let’s play hide-n-seek’ Lisa said loudly for everyone to hear. The answer was a resounding ‘YES’.
We decided to draw straws to see who would be "it" first. I really wanted to spend time with Marc so I hoped neither of us got the shortest straw. As each person drew their straw I prayed. I held my breath as I drew- a long straw. Then Lisa’s turn came. Usually I would be praying that Lisa didn’t get the short straw so we could hide together. But this time was different; I prayed that Lisa would draw the short straw. Please I thought in my head; let Lisa get the short straw! It seemed and eternity for her to pull the straw out of my mom’s hand and as she did I saw. It was the short straw. I was elated. I could see Lisa was disappointed and I felt bad. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the time I would be able to spend with Marc.
Lisa hid her face in her arms and began to count ‘one-one thousand, two-one thousand…’
‘Come with me I know I great spot’ I said to Marc.
‘Ok’ he said
I grabbed his hand and started to run. I felt like I was flying. ‘This way’ I said as I led him down under the stairs on the front porch. There was a loose piece of plywood that slid back exposing the underbelly of the staircase. I always hid here. It was a great spot and I never shared it with anyone until now. We squeezed in together and I put the piece of plywood back into its place. He was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek.
‘Ready or not here I come’ we heard Lisa yell and I began to giggle.
‘Shhhh’ Marc put his finger to my lips.
I looked directly at him for the first time now. I tilted my head to look directly into his green eyes. There was that feeling again in the pit of my stomach. It was like a giant knot. I swallowed hard.
He didn’t break eye contact with me but seemed to be staring right into my soul. He moved his finger from my lips and gently stroked my hair. ‘Thirteen huh?’ he said.
I squeaked ‘Uh-huh’
His lips were so close I wanted to kiss him but I have never kissed a boy before. Just then he leaned toward me and tilted his head. Without realizing it I had leaned forward too, just enough for our lips to touch. Shock waves went coursing through every inch of my body. I could have kissed him forever.
‘Ollie Ollie in come free’ Lisa yelled again. NO! Not now I thought.
‘Come on baby girl’ he said as he pulled back the plywood.
I sat motionless for a moment but then he offered me his hand and I had no choice but to move. As I stood up I looked at him again. He smiled at me and tossed my hair. I smiled involuntarily and my cheeks flushed.
‘Come on let’s go’ he said as he started toward the backyard. I followed still reeling from what had just happened.
My one consolation was that neither of us had gotten caught so we could hide together again. And I had all the great spots. No one ever found me, hide-n-seek was my specialty.
Josh was it now. He was about to start counting when John came out of the house. ‘Happy birthday squirt’ he said to me and gave me a noogie.
‘Quit it!’ I protested.
‘Hey man’ john said to Marc ‘we’re going to the pizza shop. You want to come?’
‘We were playing hide-n-seek’ I argued.
John shot me a look as if to say I’m stupid.
‘Sure’ Marc said.
I was devastated. He looked at me over his shoulder and winked. Then I watched him drive off in my brother’s car. The rest of the summer was a blur. I didn’t see Marc at all. Well to say I didn’t see him is a lie, I saw him all the time. I saw him getting into John’s car as they headed out for the evening. I saw him at the pizza shop talking to girls from the soon to be sophomore class. I saw him riding his skateboard down our street, waving at me as he went by. But I never saw him alone again. Not that summer anyway.
Chapter 2
Back to school
I was very anxious to start school this year. It was my first last year of junior high. Next year I’d be a freshman and I was ready to move on. The year couldn’t go by fast enough. Being a freshman meant going to high school and going to high school meant seeing marc everyday. Yes, it would be an understatement to say that this year couldn’t go by fast enough.
I was in Mrs. Kenny’s homeroom and sat next to Lisa, as I do every year. It was interesting to see how everyone had changed. Amy Brady no longer wore her hair in pigtails. Instead she parted it down the center and let it hang down her back. Missy Hughes had gotten her hair cut short and curled it with a curling iron so that in framed her face with curls. Lisa was using moose now on her curly brown locks and I used gel to make my wavy hair straighter. The boys seemed the same somehow. I couldn’t detect any changes.
School seemed to pass by quickly. Lisa and I would walk home everyday after school and do our homework together. It was sometime in September when we walked in to find my brother, John sitting at the kitchen table with Marc. My stomach dropped. ‘What’s up squirt?’ John said.
‘Shut up’ I shot back.
‘Hi Marc’ I said sheepishly
‘Hey kid’ he smiled at me. Then I felt a smack on the back of my head. ‘Ouch John! Stop it!’ I wanted to kill him.
‘Mom and Dad are going to dinner with the Wilson’s after work. They won’t be home until late so I’m watching you’. John relayed to me
‘I don’t need a baby sitter’ I protested.
‘All the same you’re stuck with me and Marc tonight’ he said casually
Marc is staying here! Here. Oh, my goodness. I headed for my bedroom with Lisa hot on my tail. ‘Your brother is such a jerk’ she said once inside.
‘Don’t talk about him like that’ I scolded.
‘Why not? You do.’ She shot back.
‘I’m allowed he’s my brother’ I told her.
I walked over to my vanity and looked in the mirror. I wasn’t the prettiest girl in school; that was Amy Brady. But I wasn’t ugly either. My skin was olive but still very fair. My auburn hair was down to the middle of my back and wavy and my eyes were brown. With a little lip gloss I was cute, maybe even pretty. Why wouldn’t Marc like me? I’m only a few years younger and that won’t matter when we are older.
‘What are you doing?’ asked Lisa. I hadn’t realized I was staring at myself in the mirror.
‘Nothing’ I tried to act nonchalant. ‘Let’s go out to the living room’.
‘But we haven’t even started our homework’ said Lisa.
‘There’s time, come on’.
We walked out into the living room and sat down. John sat in my dad’s recliner and Marc on the couch. I positioned myself on the loveseat in Marc’s eye line. Lisa sat next to me looking bored.
‘Get out of here’ yelled John.
‘No, you don’t own the living room’ I replied. ‘What are you watching?’
John sighed and said ‘Nightmare on elm street and you can’t watch it you’ll get scared’.
‘No I won’t’ I hesitated. Would I?
‘I don’t want to watch this’ Lisa whispered to me. ‘Shhh’ I said.
As we watched the movie I could see Marc looking at me out of the corner of his eye. Lisa sat with her knees up, hugging a pillow. Occasionally she would bury her face into it and squeal.
I, on the other hand, had no idea what was happening on the television. All I could think of was Marc and the kiss we shared under the front stairs of my porch.
The movie ended and it was getting late. Lisa needed to go home soon and we had not done any of our homework. ‘We need to get started on our English homework’ she said.
‘Ok, let’s go’ and off we headed to my room. As we entered Lisa looked at me and said ‘you like marc don’t you?’
I thought before I replied. Did I? Did I like him or was it something more? I was too young to know. ‘Yes’ was my answer.
‘I thought so’
‘What should I do?’ I asked
‘He’s a lot older. I don’t know if he’d be interested.’
I thought about telling her of our kiss. The moment we shared under the stairs but decided not to mention it. She would be hurt that I had not shared this with her before. ‘I think he does like me. The way he looks at me sometimes makes me think he feels the same.’
‘I’ll watch next time we are all together and see if I can tell if he likes you or not’
She was trying to be a good friend. But somehow it didn’t seem right to share what I was feeling with anyone else except Marc himself. The answers she gave me didn’t satisfy my wanting. And she certainly couldn’t set my mind at ease because she wouldn’t be able to know what he was thinking. I decided that night to tell him exactly how I felt. I needed to hear it from him.
Chapter 3
To tell or not to tell
I knew that I had to tell Marc how I felt. I also knew I needed to hear it from him how he felt about me. Telling him, however, turned out to be more difficult than I imagined.
I would see him throughout the rest of the school year. Getting into my brother’s car on their way to school. I would be waiting for the bus because I was still going to junior high so I couldn’t ride with John yet. Not that he would have wanted to take me.
I had to sit at the bus stop and wait. This was particularly embarrassing because John and Marc would pass me everyday as they left for school. This day though was different.
You see our bus stop was at the old grade school playground. Everyday as I waited for the bus, along with Lisa and the other kids from my street, I would play on the swings. We would all compete to see who could swing the highest. This day Lisa and I were really on a roll. The higher I went the higher she went. Up and up we continued. I couldn’t have know the bolt on the left side of my swing was missing. Each time I swung forward the screw loosened further. ‘I’m winning!’ shouted Lisa.
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